New Roomie

In 2010 I will have a new roommate. Her name is Katie and I think we will be friends. I found her on Craigslist (oh, so scary!) and she was the first person to email me. We had a date this afternoon to get to know each other and let her see the apartment - we hung out for about an hour and half!

Katie is originally from Madison WI, works at Best Buy corporate, is 27 and seems to be really compatible with me. We both have the same silly taste in movies (center stage, step up and breakfast at tiffany's), she has had her xmas tree up for 2 weeks, she loves to go shoe shopping, she is really funny and sarcastic, we both like raspberry vodka, and she eventually wants to get a king charles spaniel soon!

Having a stranger move in with me is scary, but I think this will work. I had a really good time visiting with Katie, and i think it will be fun getting to know her. It will be nice to get introduced to a new set of people.

Cross your fingers that it works out!

I have a meeting with St. Thomas' Art History department head tomorrow morning. I have nerves. This is just a meeting to see if I like the place, the classes, the teachers; to make sure I understand everything that I need to get started in enrollment and on the application; to make sure that I am not throwing away $1600 on a whim.

I really hope that I like everything I hear/see. But what if I don't? Then I have to come up with a new plan... I have to start all over trying to figure this thing out. Ugh - that would suck.

Oh, but what if I like it? Then I have to start being really nervous about if I can handle being back in school; can I deal with being in a classroom again and how will I be at assignments and writing and being a student? What if I get in there and I am really not that great of a student - that I try really hard, but I am just not smart enough to handle the graduate work? Ugh - that would suck too.

Ok... who thought this grad school thing was a good idea?

movies confuse me...

I saw 500 Days of Summer tonight. I was very excited to see it, it looked like a wonderful romantic comedy; a little quirky but still lovely.
SPOILER AGAIN.... sorry but i gotta talk it out!

The entire movie spent the entire time trying to prove that 2 people were meant to be together; destined to be their one and only and that through it all they would work out. They would be their lobsters, their penguins, their person.

Then there was the bait'n'switch - the heart break - saying that nothing is fate and that you can't really believe in all this 'love' nonsense! The main character was really believing that for a while... until the last scene when he meets someone new and she says one thing to him that makes him go back to believing in fate - and we are left to imagine that the two of them spent a lifetime of happiness together. All of this tied up in the cheesiest last line of a movie ever, ugh. Of course the new girl he met was named Autumn! Of course! Boo.

Well - movie makers... which is it? Believe in Destiny or Love is for Suckers? You made a valid point for each of them. For anyone out there who is teetering on the edge of right and wrong here - this movie did nothing to help a girl out. On one hand it validated every small thing we have ever thought was 'fate' that meant you were supposed to be with someone... on the other hand, it also told you: you silly girl, coincidence, that is all, quit harping on it.

That's a lot of back and forth in the head - it's like a ping pong table in there. Oy.

Goal Board

So lately Midori has been expressing her disapproval of my goal board. Almost every evening she has been climbing into bed with me, we have a nice little cuddle... and then she walks over my dresser over to my my board and starts 'running' on it, pulling pieces of it down.

I think she is trying to tell me it is time to update the board.

Or she is just mildly distructive and she just like to run on shinny surfaces?

I think i have figured out what makes me so upset about change. Most of the time - I don't have a say in it. Most of the time - my opinion was asked. Most of the time - I have to take whatever is handed to me.

Change isn't exciting or new or adventurous to me (at least not lately), change has been forced upon me and I have to deal with the consequences. I have to pick up the pieces that it left in it's wake.

I have not chosen to leave my past jobs, I have not chosen to have my heart broken, I have not chosen to have my living situation up the air, and I have certainly not chosen to be so overwhelmed by it all.

I want to be excited about a new career path, and a light in my heart, and new roommate... I truly do. And I know that these are decisions that I do have a choice in - so I need to make the right ones for me. I just wish that I had gotten to this position on my own, and not by someone else's hand.

baby steps

Today was very productive. It felt weird... I spent most of the day working on my resume for a fellowship I would like to have at the Walker and then I arranged to start the application process for St. Thomas for Art History next semester.

These all felt like things were going in the right direction; I didn't feel too overwhelmed or spinning or spiraling... or any of those other words I use to describe the feelings I can't describe.

I think this art thing is right - I haven't ever said that I wanted to work in online marketing before... that is just what people have told me is a job option that I would be good at and is stable. I think I got swept up in stable and I forgot that I was really supposed to spending this time finding out what is my passion and what will make me happy. Yes, I may find many jobs that pay crap - but they sound really interesting and fun and worth wild. So I think I am on the right track, taking my baby steps to finding what I am supposed to be when i grow up.

goodbye whippits

It looks as though I will be saying goodbye to my whippits today, i think, maybe, most likey.

I believe my time here at the whippit ranch has come to an end. Michael, the owner of the ranch, will not be needing me to watch the dogs while he is in the hospital or recovering from surgery. He has found someone new! How hurtful... ok... it's his sister in cannon falls, but still. We had gotten so close!

So. I want you all to brace yourself for the end of my whippit tales. I am sure they will be sorely missed.

Gleek

SPOILER ALERT: DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU HAVE WATCHED THIS WEEKS GLEE!!!

Ok, that was intense.

We all know that I am Gleek. Totally. I was a little disenchanted with this week's episode - and I know why. I do not like knowing Sue's backstory... I don't like knowing that she really is a nice person with a heart and soul underneath her adidas tracksuits. Ugh. Because now I feel for her when before I just thought she was a jerk monkey - now I have to remember that she has feelings too.

Unacceptable.

But what I do accept is the use of Defying Gravity. Love the song... Love that our little out and proud character wanted to sing his heart out... SICK of Lea having the same convo about Mr. Shue taking away her part... Cant wait for Quinn to go on Maurry to find out who the real baby daddy is - because I feel like that is where this story line is going towards. Dissapointed in wheel chair boy for only liking the asian girl for her stutter - so not cool. That's what we call discrimination.

I did hear an interview that was posted on Perez that had cute football lead neither confirming nor denying a relationship with Lea. He just gushed about how amazing it was that the show is getting such great response - totally sidestepping the question. They are so making out backstage in the trailers.

I should really learn everyone's character names, it is hard to describe them all like this!

Drinking the Kool-Aid

I am in trouble - big time.

I am completely believing every word of lush training, which makes me want to buy every product in the entire store. NOT GOOD!

I mean, one of the key points of taking this job was that I probably wouldn't spend my entire paycheck on products, because I am not a bath/body product whore like some people.

But know that I am reading and learning about all the amazing natural products... I must have every one of them and throw out anything synthetic that has ever touched my skin. Oh, Icky, Bad!

But, really, that isn't practical now is it? I am unemployed... who cares if my body smells of lavender and chamamile to soothe and calm? Or if my hair is washed with a solid shampoo that will last 3 times longer than a bottled shampoo? Or if my cuticles are lotioned with the amazing lemmony flutter to sooth and energize the skin? UGH! I want it all.

I am in trouble.

Public Transportation

This morning made me totally giggle. A young man, probably in his mid-20s, used the bus as his personal dance studio and runway. He was standing up near the front of the bus, but would back up every time someone got on the bus. His turns were completely fancy, perfect pivots with pointed toes. He would walk back up to his spot at the front of the bus with one foot pointed in front of the other as though he was auditioning for Mizz J on Top Model. It was way too funny for 9:30 in the morning. The best part about it was that I believe he truly meant every single step and pivot he made. That bus was his runway and he was Tyra!

Assignment

I have been asked to write a letter to myself... from my 80 year old self telling me all about my life. This task is hopefully a way of finding out what my hidden dreams and passions are and what I should be doing as my profession. I find this daunting, intimidating and a little crazy - because I hope that when I am 80... I don't write my life story and tell about how much I worked. I would hope that I would tell wonderful stories about my loving family and our wonderful travels together. I would tell stories about the love of my life and our children (yes - I plan on actually having children). I would tell stories about the different places I got to experience and the beautiful things I have seen. I would tell stories of the wonderful friendships that have lasted through the years.

I am sure that not one of the stories I would tell would be about sitting at a desk.

Why does our job define us so much? Why does choosing my career have to be so difficult? Why do I feel as though I can not go forward until I check a box saying I am going to be X? Why do I feel as though I have been having this same conversation in my head for years? When does this get easier?

When I write my letter to myself, when I am 80... I hope I am writing from my seaside villa in the Mediterainean.

I hope I never, ever...

AM A BRIDEZILLA.

In fact - as much as I love weddings, I am contemplating eloping or a surprise wedding: where everyone thinks they are coming for an engagement party or birthday party and I walk down the stairs in a stunning Vera Wang.

I just don't want everyone to hate me while I drone on about the details of a wedding that is really only very significant to very few people. To everyone else it is free booze and bad decisions.

I don't want to make others suffer though the showers, the games, the family gatherings that others come to out of obligation to make the bride happy on her day (which lasts up to a month or more!)

I never thought I would say this... but I am falling out of love with weddings.

smelly soft arms

I smell amazing and nauseating all at the same time right now. I am not sure I can handle it. I go back and forth between trying to smell my arms and trying not to retch... it is really awful.

I had training at LUSH today - and we learned all about soaps, bath bombs, melts, massage bars, shaving cream and scrubs. My nose went into severe overload - I had to step into Origins just to get some fresh air!

I am not sure I am ever going to grasp all the scents and what they do. We were smelling the bath bombs and our manager, Bridget, shoved a citrus one in my nose and asked me what i smelled... my answer was "breakfast." Now my typical breakfast is a poptart; this bomb did not smell like a cookie poptart, but like grapefruit and orange. Everyone laughed at me because of my silly answer; because I didn't actually say smelling words, but a meal time. The next one they asked me to smell - they asked if it smelled like lunch or snack?! It was all in good fun - but I have a feeling I may truly suck at this job.

But I do have extra soft and smelly arms right now.

finally a post

it has been brought to my attention that I should write something on this here blog. shocking idea I say!

I have made some HUGE steps in the past few days:

• started going back to yoga and walking on the treadmill. This all started after my mom patted my stomach and said "suck that thing in." Not very subtle sherry.
  
• i started researching schools. I found one that would provide me with a certificate degree and a portfolio in 3-4 quarters. I am thinking about going for interactive design or digital design... both sound kinda cool and are in demand fields. Most importantly, I think that the state will pay for a chunk of the tuition for me.
  
• i have decided to try preforming again. wait for it. not in front of people, on a stage preforming... that's way too intense. I am going to work on putting together a voice over demo and possibly doing stuff like that.
  
• I got an amazing jade green colored nail polish to celebrate halloween. That's all - I am not dressing up - I will just have spooky nails.
  

I think that is a TON for one week, and it is only TUESDAY. yessh I am tired.

Came across the silliest website ever: http://funcage.com/blog/drunk-people-yoga-positions/

Lately, I have been feeling more like the drunk person and less like the perfect yogi I know I can be. My back will heal soon and I can get back to down-dogging. I did the happy baby this morning just to stretch out a little - my baby was anything but happy. :)

I have not been to yoga in a week. I am blaming it on a little thing the doctors like to call - back spasms. That is what they are calling the pain that has overcome me in the past week. Luckily, with the help of some muscle relaxers, a little gentle stretching and time... I should be healed by next week.

Just in time for my month pass at core yoga to expire. Do you think I can ask for a prorate?

Om Shanti Shanti!

I totally stole this image from Nikki, but who cares. It is way too cute not to have on my site. Thanks Nix!

I am not sure I would classify myself as a born yogi, but sometimes I do feel like screaming like that during my upward dog. Does that count?

Work is going on the "eh" side today and I am really feeling the need to sweat all the triple D toxins out. I might leave a little early to go to an earlier class. Shhh... don't tell the boss (oh wait - they are out of town).

I also am getting very excited about this Creative Memories thing... this could be a very good thing. I need to brain storm who how and where I can market my business. I want this to be a fun, hobby type thing, but I would love to make some money too!

OK. Om Shanti Shanti!

need to get back into

Alright - I need to get back into the groove. I need to get back into yoga, keep doing my body bar, take more nightly walks.... you know. Just get back into the ASS routine!

I have just been so drained by work, and everything else going on in my world that sleep sounds so much better.

Tomorrow - YOGA - 6:30 - edina... I will be there. I promise!

the yoga challenge

I just read this article:
http://www.bclocalnews.com/surrey_area/langleytimes/lifestyles/49527252.html
about a woman who did bikram yoga every day for a year!

She said at first she too felt nauseated and sick during class - but that passed and soon she didn't even notice the heat.

She also said that at the beginning she didn't see any changes in her body or lose any weight - then one day she started noticing inches melting and the weight dropping off.

This was just the article I needed to see today - Thank goodness I follow Core Power on Twitter!

ugh... blah... blog.

I know, that is not a very inspiring title for a blog is it? Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

I have been very uninspired lately and feeling a tad sluggish. I am not seeing many (if any) results which is super disheartening - I thought I would be further along by now. I looked at my planner and realized that I went to yoga 14 times last month - that is about every other day, right? One would think that all that yoga would have made some impact on my body in the least. BUT NO! I actually think I have gained weight - I for sure think my belly is bigger. I went so far as to take a pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn't one of those stupid girls who has no clue she is pregnant until she gives birth. I mean - maybe I had absolutely no symptoms, except in my 5th month I start to get a huge belly. But luckily i am not carrying a love child, I am simply not loosing any weight.

I was hoping to be closer to a size 8 by now - which should have been easy. when i started I was a 12/10, I should have been able to slim down enough to at least be a comfortable 10 and a passable 8 sometimes. yesh - is that so much to ask?

Anyway... I went to Omaur's scuplt class tonight and I made it through quite well. He made a mix of all classic MJ songs that we worked out to - that was fun. I think he might have been taking it easy on us because the class was soooo full - wall to wall, mat to mat - that we didn't have a ton of room to do all the crazy hard stuff. I look forward to seeing the Edina studio tomorrow.

Must rest now - tired, so tired.

yoga toys

I have been trying to be really good about not wanting a ton of new things, like yoga clothes, or mats, or towels... it isn't necessary and I can do just fine in my practice with what I have. But I have been really lusting after the skiddless yoga towels that go over your mats. I keep slipping and sliding all over my mat (due to the increased buckets of sweat) so, really this is more a safety concern than anything else!

I checked them out online, and they were all around 55-65 bucks, a little too expensive for me right now. I stopped into Dicks sporting goods the other night with Sarah and I found that the Yogitoes brand has created a cheaper version for $35! Yay! So I snatched that up in a pretty grass green color and then I did a sweep of their clearance yoga clothes... and found 3 tops all under $10 each. Well done me.

The towel worked wonders last night at class - I didn't slip once! I was still sweating like a pig, but I had my regular towel to sop up my beautiful, sexy sweat :)!

I did something right

Tonight's class was pretty difficult for me for some reason. I think I was pretty tired to begin with... and the heat really got to me. I think I am still sweating an hour later!

I actually spoke to my teacher, Elizabeth, after class - and she said that I had a very nice split pose. Yea! It feels nice to have her recognize that I have done something right. I really wish that the classes were a little smaller, so that there could be more adjustment from the teacher. I want to make sure that I am doing the poses correctly.

I am trying to surrender to the sweating, but this is probably harder than the poses. I am trying to see the sweat as something sexy, beautiful and strong... but how can I when it's dripping in my ears, eyes and nose?

Elizabeth, my teacher tonight, said that if I go to a couple hot classes every now and again, the regular C2 classes seem like a breeze in comparison. Sounds reasonable, but uber scary.

Trust

"Trust that you are where you need to be."

That was the one mantra that Ella, my teacher at Candlelight Flow, said tonight that I actually remembered. Hmmm... I wonder if that is significant? Probably - I need to stop all the spirals (although they have lessened a great deal, they still happen occasionally) and just trust in what is happening and not try to readjust the truth.

Candlelight Flow was a great way to end the weekend and start the new week. It was hard without being nauseating, it was hot without being sweltering, it was challenging and slow. There were lots of stretches and poses I had not done before which was exciting to try to accomplish a new feat.

I have realized that I am used to being very good at things that I try to do. Most athletic things (besides running) come pretty easy to me. I often feel frustrated in class because this is not coming easy, I am not the best in class, and I have no idea what I am doing the majority of the time. But I am really happy that I want to be those things - i want to be good and talented and bendy.

The only thing that made class a little weird tonight was the crazy red head from the first class I took. She is obviously an actress or a singer because she does nothing that she is told and likes to pull focus by making lots of weird noises. She would do poses that were similar to what were doing, but then they would evolve into these crazy bendy pretzels. She was right behind me and it took all my effort and concentration not to punch her in her curly red mop. That is not zen like at all. But she put her feet in my face during corpse pose... yoga whore.

I have gone to yoga 4 times this week. All c2 classes - I was feeling more stretchy than powery lately... I tried some moves I had not done before and my back is a little sore right now. Alas - I tried some new moves and I didn't completely crumble! I think tomorrow I will take a C1 class and do some slower, more beginner moves. Just to work on my postures and such. I sometimes feel with the c2 classes, I am just trying to keep up and not die that I am not really working on the actual poses so much.

Another thing I need to focus on is my eating habits (as I finish off my snack bag of chex mix). I think I am doing really well at the move more part - i just need to excell at the eat less part. This is extremely hard when I am working for the food network and talking about food all day and there is a food cabinent at work and I have no willpower.
So here goes:

• cut down on cheese intake
• cut down on diet coke. this is like cutting off my arm!
• eat out only once a week (unless a parent or someone else offers to talk me out - and then who am I to refuse)
  
• stop eating so many damn poptarts
• bring carrots and celery to work

That's all i can commit to - or goal to - right now. But i totally understand that my lofty goal of being a size 8 is never going to see the light if I keep pounding out the chocolate chip cookie dough pop tarts twice a day. ugh...

A.S.S Beginning

With the really deep goals of fitting into all my skinny jeans and just feeling more comfortable in my skin my friend Nikki and I devised an amazing program to get healthy this summer. The A.S.S program: Active Summer of gettin' Sexy.

We decided that we would start by going to yoga together a few nights a week, as well as doing cardio on our own. If we wanted to throw in any other classes like zumba, kettle ball or pilates we could totally do that.

It has been 2 and half weeks since the start of our ASS program and I am actually loving it. I joined CoreYoga and I am learning vinyasah yoga as well as doing YogaSculpt. At core they keep the rooms heated, so we are working out in rooms between 90 and 100 degrees - so sweat is literally pouring off of me (and I am not a sweat-er!).

I love the vinyasah because it is all about the breathing and stretching while working your ass off! And the best part is that you aren't sore after because of the heated room.

Yoga Scuplt on the other hand - is more of a love hate relationship. We are working on yoga poses at the same time as lifting free weights and doing light cardio work. ALL IN A 100 DEGREE ROOM. The first time I did this, I nearly threw up twice. The second class, I only almost threw up once... progress right?!?

I am liking the yoga so much now that I am forgetting to do my cardio... but cardio isn't as much fun. I looked up the calorie burn on an hour of vinyasah yoga for a 170 lb person - guess - ok... 550 calories. I also looked up Bikrham yoga and it's calorie burn was up to 781. I figured that Yoga Sculpt is somewhere near the bikrham level... and since we are in a really warm room... you get where I am coming from?

I am trying to do 4 classes a week - 2 sculpt and 2 regular. I also walk to class which is just a little under a 1/2 mile to the studio each way. That's pretty decent too.

OK... well that's enough of an intro for now. I have to get ready for my c2 class tonight.